“Am I enough?”
For years, my answer to this question was “no.” It didn’t matter what I was measuring – bravery, courage, smarts, sex appeal – the answer was negatory. Well, until last Saturday.
Last Saturday, I dressed up in a red skirt with black polka dots, a set of wings and a headband with antennae to catch a ferry into downtown Vancouver for the World 7 rugby tournament. This event is a two-day series of 15-minute rugby games between 16 countries where people dress up in costumes. It was more of a stadium Halloween party with a dash of rugby.
I was wondering if my 43-year-old self had enough courage to rock a ladybug costume for the event. The truth of it is, at the stadium, I will be one of the thousands dressed up. Leaving on the 8:40am ferry from the Sunshine Coast, it would be me and my husband. The further from the “tribe” the more one stands out among others.
On this particular morning, when I asked myself the usual self-esteem eroding question, I realized that it wasn’t something that needed to be answered. I don’t need to dwell on my internal fears or count the ways this could go wrong.
In fact, I questioned why this question was something I needed to ask myself? Who does that? Really?
It’s residue from low self-esteem. It’s the leash that fear uses to reign me in even when I am in my fourth decade on this planet.
I once read that “You control yourself or you love yourself. It can’t be both.” Perhaps it was time I stopped trying to reign myself in and let the ladybug out.
I am enough. I’m strong enough. Brave enough. Courageous enough. Smart enough. It comes down to what I choose to think and believe and I think enough with the questions for I believe in me.
And . . . I rocked the ladybug costume all the way from Gibsons to Vancouver, with a 44-year-old neon frog. I believe we could and we do.
Words are our world. Create the story you want to live.